I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
