I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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