Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
