I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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