He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
