WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sober January is a disaster.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize