he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
