i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you had me at cake vodka
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
