God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
