you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
