He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize