Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
