remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
