I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
