If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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