I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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