my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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