He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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