And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
