Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Randomize
