apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
