Can i not drive my cunt home
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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