This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
