note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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