there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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