I think my vagina is haunted
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
