Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
