Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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