anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
