mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
her vagine was all disorganized.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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