Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
