is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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