I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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