Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
