If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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