Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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