considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
