You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
