Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
