Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
