Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
