you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
