when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
