Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
