i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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