We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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