he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
