he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
