i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
