He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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