You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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