my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
