I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
