Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
