i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
