y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
