i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
