We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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