Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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