i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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