she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
