I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
