his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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