ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
