Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
