The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize