Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
