I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I am naked and annoyed.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
