i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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