She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
