nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
