The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
