So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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