I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
