She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
