Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
