ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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