Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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